It's been a little while since I last blogged so I wanted to shoot out a quick one to get back on the horse...it's good for me and I'm hoping it's not a painful chore for you guys to read it :)
This past month's chemo cycle was particularly difficult in terms of side effects--so many more bad days and more (and new!) severe effects on those days (I have discovered that it's possible to have the runs, be constipated, and needing to vomit all in the same very toilet trip...egads my GI system is possessed--Linda Blair has nothing on me).
Landed me in the ER, had me cancel some important opportunities, barely able to get through the work week...just couldn't function a good portion of the cycle. In fact, today I went for chemo number 4 and my oncologist took one look at me and decided I needed a week's break before they knock me down again (and she also warned that each month will likely get progressively worse...yipeee!!). Safe to say this month has been one large and unpleasant shit sandwich.
On the bright side…I’m saving a ton on hair products.
But, to be honest, I can't blame the chemo entirely. I've not been taking self-care seriously enough...letting myself getting dehydrated, not eating small frequent meals, trying to push too many hours at work. But, I'm learning that I need to adjust...moving from workaholic or worrying about things that really aren't all that important in the grand scheme of things to focusing on this fight. And, maybe part of it is I haven't really accepted that I HAVE CANCER and this is sort of a big deal. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.
I know my last post ("Loss and Limitations") was a downer. And I've been quiet this month because I'm pretty sure that whatever came out of my keyboard wasn't going to be much in the way of sunshine and roses either (and writing from the throne just didn't seem all that appropriate--there are some places I just don't want to take you guys). Sharing this experience using humor is more in my comfort zone, and I just wasn't feeling very humorous last few weeks.
Not to say the more serious stuff isn't important to write, but I think I wasn't in the place to write that stuff this past month, and between running to the bathroom and being passed out on the couch, I wasn't getting in a lot of writing time anyway.
But, I'm back and I wanted to try to look at some of the bright points. (and I'm also working on another post about chemo side effects that will hopefully be funny in a gross-out, middle-school-boy-humor, Stand By Me barforama scene type of way).
Okay, and now my list of bright points to going through chemo...
1. With my taste buds in total chemo shock, I've totally lost my taste for things I'd been trying to take a healthy break from anyway and never had the willpower to do: too much wine, too much coffee, salt and vinegar potato chips, fries, to name a few.
2. My taste buds have found a love for avocados drizzled with olive oil and vinegar. Avocados are a super food (we met online when I was looking for high-potassium foods since my potassium was knocked out and I love them now).
3. I no longer have to fuss with my hair--and I've heard that when it grows in, it might be completely different in a good way--a new color, fuller, wavy...I'm looking forward to that surprise.
4. I've lost 15 pounds in a few months that I've been struggling to lose for YEARS. I'm fitting into those clothes in the back of my closet that I couldn't bear to throw out. And today when the nurse took my measurements I was a 1/4-inch taller. I'm not sure how that happened but I'll take it.
5. I've had amazing support from friends, family, and colleagues. I especially appreciate folks continuing to reach out to me even though I can be a real deadbeat about returning calls, texts, and emails. Many of my long-term friendships are deepening in unexpected ways and many who were acquaintances or very new friends are quickly become closer---all amazing blessings to me. And of course, a special shout out to the hubby--who has taken on pretty much everything at the house and kept everything so sane and grounded and isn't phased that I'm bald and says he won't leave me for another woman when I'm boobless. :)
6. I have met an amazing team of people at the medical center....from the woman who schedules all my appointments and keeps me organized to my chemo nurse Jamie, to my overall case nurse Alison, my oncologist, my surgeon, and every single person who has drawn blood, stuck me with needles, infused me with chemo drugs. Just everyone I have encountered has been not only so knowledgeable, but so caring and understanding--and even just plain fun to be around.
7. I got a housekeeper! I am very excited about this. I hired a wonderful local lady to do a deep cleaning on my house, tomorrow she cleans the carpets, and then comes twice a month to keep it all sparkly. This place was becoming a pit and now it's magically clean and I didn't have to do it. I'm keeping her even AFTER cancer is gone.
8. Strangers are a lot nicer to you in public when you're my age and bald.
9. I get free parking at the medical center on chemo days.
10. I've got a totally tubular assortment of very cool socks, hats, and blankets now (apparently popular gifts for chemo patients).
11. This isn't related to chemo but I'm just so pumped about it--my three favorite hosts from the original Top Gear (before Clarkson punched out his boss and got himself fired)--Richard Hammond, James May, and Jeremy Clarkson--are launching a new gearhead show on Amazon!!! The new presenters BBC found to replace them on the new Top Gear SUCK ASS and I was forced to give up watching after struggling through a few painfully unfunny, boring, poorly written episodes. Now I have Hamster, Captain Slow, and Jezzer back! Though, they did lose the custody battle over the Stig, sadly.
12. Last week's check-in with the surgeon showed that all four cancer sites have shrunk! Chemo sucks, but it's working!
Okay, that's a clean and neat list of a dozen items and I'm running out of steam. If you have bright side to chemo list items, share 'em in the comments!
Thanks for reading...